mammogram

Five Years

It is the golden benchmark in a cancer journey when your odds for recurrence decrease significantly. My five year mark is Tuesday, May 21, 2024. To be honest, I didn’t think I would be here five years later. When you are diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer you are always trying to prepare yourself for “the comeback”.

The first year I just tried to survive. The treatments, surgery and radiation were a blur. My faith was tested and strengthened significantly.

The second year I spent worrying. I found myself constantly organizing and trying to prepare my home and those around me to operate smoothly without me. I started a blog about my journey which was therapeutic. I began organizing my recipes and trying to write down the ones in my head so Logan would have them. I was on a mission that kept me busy and occupied.

The third year I spent trying to find my new normal and dealing with the lasting effects of chemo- neuropathy, lymphedema and short-term memory loss. It was at the three-year mark I realized I just might make it. I started doing more of the things I loved to do- write, cook, entertain & garden. I started making time for myself.

The fourth year I was on a quest to get healthy. To focus on what I was eating and the quality of ingredients- grass fed beef, free range chicken, locally grown produce. I began canning my own food just like my Memaw Young taught me. I built raised beds, began making tinctures from my herbs, and drying my herbs. I sought out alternative treatments for neuropathy which led me to acupuncture and meditation and eventually to 5 months of sobriety.

My sobriety…I have always loved wine. I have written blogs about wine, I have traveled and drank wine in all the best places, I love how it looks, how it smells, how it makes me forget my worries and numbs me in all the right places. And those last two thoughts are the issue. I don’t want to be numb anymore. I don’t want to forget. My sobriety is centered around two thoughts, first- your body only has so much healing power and if it is constantly healing from the alcohol, then you are depriving yourself from your healing potential. Second, I have a desire to live in the moment, to experience all the great things from life I possibly can, and I want to remember and relish the memories. I don’t want to forget about my cancer journey. I am a true believer that negative history not remembered will be repeated. So, I choose to honor and remember my cancer journey accordingly.

As a side note to my sobriety- Friday night I decided to have 1 glass of wine and broke my 5 month streak. It didn’t taste nearly as good as I remembered, I was up til 3am because I couldn’t sleep, I had terrible heartburn, I have had a two day headache and my joints are very achy and my lymphedema is flaring up. Needless to say, that glass was not worth it. However, I don’t want my friends to worry-even sober, I will still be the loud friend with the most inappropriate comments spewing out of my mouth. My lack of wine will not change my ability to say exactly what I think.

So today is five years. I am definitely not the person I was before my cancer journey began. Cancer changes you. Yes, of course there are lots of negatives. But there are some really good positives. I have met some wonderful people. Women that reached out providing answers and comfort for me when I was in need. And women I have reached out to when they needed some reassurance and someone to listen. The pink sisterhood is a real, wonderful blessing.

Two weeks ago, I had my five year check up with Dr. Tran at Tennessee Oncology. I cannot even begin to calculate how many appointments and hours I have been spent in their office. It takes special people to work in oncology and I admire and respect them all. My next appointment is in one year- and only those that have walked this walk know the absolute joy I felt in achieving that milestone.

Please remember to schedule your mammogram and remind those you love to schedule one, too. I skipped two mammograms and if I had skipped one more year, I would not be here today. I would not have made it another year. There are many different types of breast cancer, some more aggressive than others. Great strides are being made every day in research and development of new drugs. The key is early detection. For those of you that do not have health insurance or cannot afford screening, there are low cost and no cost mammograms available. In our area, the MaryEllen Locher Breast Center has a mobile mammogram unit that services several counties in East Tennessee.

Today, I find joy in the simple things. I have found peace in my garden among the vegetables and flowers. My family is the most important thing in my life, they are a wonderful bunch of craziness, my biggest cheerleaders, and they bring me the most joy. I’m not a professional cook or gardener. I am not a homesteader. I am a southern city girl who was raised in the country in a simpler time.

I have learned every day is a gift, a gift that should not be taken lightly or taken for granted. I have learned kindness and grace are important attributes in living a full life. I have learned that how you make others feel is how you will be remembered.

Right before my diagnosis, Jay and I were talking about going to Italy and obviously, we had to put that on hold. So, in a few weeks, we will depart on a 5 Year Cancerversary celebratory trip to Italy and Greece for 14 days. We have been planning for this trip for the last two years. We booked it on my 3 Year Cancerversary date.

I have no idea what the next five years will look like. But for now, I will celebrate the days I have been given to the best of my ability and you should, too.

#keepingthefaith #gozastrong #getyourmammogram

Christy Young Goza

Living Life After the Big C

In May 2019, I found a lump in my right breast. I had missed two years of mammograms. I called my friend at my gynecologist office and she rushed me right in. That was the beginning of a 7 month battle I will never forget. I was diagnosed with stage 3 triple negative breast cancer with 3 nodes involved. I was 49 years old. The growth rate was 87% and since it was so high, the cancer needed to be removed immediately before treatment. I opted for a double mastectomy with no reconstruction. Triple negative breast cancer is treated with old school chemo drugs unaffectionately known as The Red Devil. Eight chemo treatments and 27 radiation treatments later I was considered NED-no evidence of disease.

I decided to share my journey on social media in hopes that others that had put off mammograms would understand just how important they are. My social media posts became therapy for me and it also created cheerleaders and prayer warriors, which is something we all need in the fight against cancer.

I also decided to bare my bald head. Many thought this was a symbol of a fierce fighter, however it was really because the chemo put me into menopause and it was 100 degrees outside and I couldn’t stand anything on my head. I wasn’t worried about the hair. I was worried about living. I wasn’t ready to go and I wasn’t going to give up.

Triple negative breast cancer has a high reoccurrence rate and the odds are much better than they use to be but they still aren’t the best. I have permanent residual effects from the chemo which include neuropathy, lymphedema and the inability to remember anything of any importance. And of course, every time a new ailment pops up, my mind immediately goes to a dark place.

I consider myself to be lucky and I know that may sound strange. I have been given a gift, the gift of living another day. When I was first diagnosed I kept a list of things I was thankful for. I found I had taken so many things for granted in my day to day life. Going thru this journey has been a blessing for me, it has reminded me of what is important- my family, my friends and it has also reminded me to stop trying to rush through life and just get through the day. I am much wiser with time spent and I am much wiser as to what I use my energy on.

My family support has been my rock. My husband who is a true, loving partner in every sense of the word, my daughter who stood bravely at my side, my boys who are always there for me and my mom, who went to every treatment with me.

There are certain big milestones in this journey, the first one is just getting through the treatments, the second one is coming up on Saturday, May 21, 2022- it is my 3 year cancerversary, and it is also the date of the Bradley County Relay for Life. At the three year mark there is a significant reduction in the risk the cancer will return. This is something I have been looking forward to for a long time.

I don’t believe in coincidences. I believe as we get older we discover things are never random. God puts people in the right places and at just the right time. At every turn, I found God had put people in my life to help me with this journey.

Last year, I developed a website: www.christygoza.com. With healthcare privacy laws, it is difficult for medical professionals to pass your name along to someone and with this type of cancer it is difficult to find survivors for information. This website has no affiliated or sponsored links. It is just an account of my journey, for other survivors to read and share. I have had an excellent response to the site and will continue to update it as long as there are people out there looking for information.

I have made so many friends on my journey and my journey isn’t over. I’m a member of the club now, a club I never thought I would never be a part of, at least this soon in life. I’m an advocate of mammograms/screening. I’m an advocate of living.

Finding Your Tribes

What is a tribe? It is a group of people that can include family, friends or people with similar likes and/or experiences. They are willing to extend grace, love and forgiveness, even when they may not agree. A tribe may be life long or it may expire. Whatever the case, they are invaluable and comforting.

At 51 years of age, I have some very special tribes. Of course I have my family, a friend group that started out as lovers of wine and downtown Cleveland and a group of ride or die friends that try to at least meet up on Friday nights for dinner.

These three tribes have kept me going for years. But something very interesting happened when I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2019- my tribes grew. And it was a wonderful thing.

The Triple Negative FaceBook Support Group: This group of fabulous ladies have lifted me when I was down and kept me company in the wee hours of the morning when sleep would not come. I still enjoy going into the group to answer questions for newcomers. Breast cancer is a hard road riddled with anxiety that can be eased with information. I will never forget those that helped me and itâ€™s just the right thing to do to pay it forward. If you are having issues, whether it be physical, mental or social, I guarantee there is a Facebook support group. Find your people.

Tennessee Oncology Nurses, Cleveland, TN Office: While you may think they aren’t your tribe, I want to assure you that for 18 very longs weeks they were. Every other week I sat in the treatment room for hours observing them with cancer patients, many terminal. While they were double gloved, double masked and double clothed to protect themselves from what was being put into my veins, they shared helpful hints, careful instructions and love and kindness. They helped me ice my hands, feet and mouth during treatments and answered all the random questions I had and also tended to my precious mom that came with me. They handed out lap quilts, quilted by ladies in the community for cancer survivors, to keep us warm. The treatment room could be heavy, there is a lot going on in there. But there is also hope and it resides in the heart of each one of those special nurses. They helped me get through 18 hard weeks with love, kindness and sincerity- and that my friends, is a tribe. The day I rang the bell was the day I had to give them up to someone else that took my seat.

YMCA LiveStrong Group: I have done some crazy things in my time, but joining a fitness group while going through chemo may be at the top of the list. However, it was one of my favorite things during my journey. The YMCA LiveStrong program is for cancer survivors. The program focuses on building your strength back and is a great way to socialize with other survivors. I was the youngest in my group of approximately 15-18 survivors and the only one going through treatment at the time. This group met twice a week and we would do activities, pray together and workout. The group consisted of a wide array of people: young, old, in shape, out of shape, healthy, not so healthy. But we had one goal- to improve. I looked forward to these sessions so much. Everyone was so encouraging. And our fearless leader, Dina, was our biggest cheerleader. Everyone worked at their own pace and we helped each other. I met a very special lady in the group, Pat. After several conversations I discovered she had actually quilted the lap quilt given to me at Tennessee Oncology. A survivor herself, she loved to quilt and had found a way to give back.

While not tribes, there are a couple of organizations I am a part of that deserve an honorable mention.

The MaryEllen Locher Foundation: This is a remarkable organization that awards scholarships to children of breast cancer survivors. I have known about and attended fundraising events for the foundation for over 14 years. In 2019, I attended an annual fundraising event and was surprised with my daughter being awarded one of those scholarships. I cannot put into words how thankful and grateful my family and I were and still are for that scholarship. Cancer can take a toll physically, mentally and financially. This eased a big worry and allowed me to concentrate on recovery. My daughter, Logan, will be graduating in December 2021 from Middle Tennessee State University. We were surprised with an email recently from the director that they were awarding Logan additional scholarship money for that semester. The MaryEllen Locher Foundation touched our lives when we needed it most and for that, I am forever grateful. And for the wonderful group of friends that nominated Logan. I will always support the MaryEllen Locher Foundation’s fundraising efforts and their mission.

Bradley County Relay for Life: I can’t recall the year I got involved in Bradley County Relay For Life. It was a long, long time ago, at least 15 years. Money raised by Relay For Life funds research for the American Cancer Society. There is a committed, local group of people that literally work year round raising funds in our area. They are passionate about finding a cure for cancer. Great strides in cancer research have been made in the last few years and that needs to continue.

No matter where you are in life, you are never to old or too far gone to benefit from a tribe. And if you can’t find one, create one. Your life will be better for it.

Volley For A Cure, MaryEllen Locher Scholarship Award

Logan Griffith rising to accept the MELF Scholarship

Friends In Low Places

I cherish my friends. I think it is because I never had many in school. I mean, really good friends. I had a couple. I was always careful who I confided in and kept people at a distance in many ways. When I was younger I always felt intimidated or in competition with other girls. It has only been later in life that I learned the true blessings of friendship and how to be a good friend to others. I am so thankful to have a strong network of friends through my cancer journey.

While going through chemo for triple negative breast cancer in 2019, I had a lot of time to think about my friendships. A life changing event can really show you exactly who your friends are and who will stand by you. Here are some categories I developed just for fun one day when I was recouping (I had a lot of time on my hands).

Ride or Die Friends: They will be with you every single step of the way. If you sound disheartened on the phone, they will bust up into your house and snap you out of it in seconds. When you are too sick to get out of bed, they will stand in your kitchen and keep your mom and husband company with tears in their eyes. They text you day and night and don’t even care if you respond. They are your people, your family.

Really Good Friends: They call, they drop by from time to time. They let you know you are loved and being prayed for. They have your best interest at heart at all times. You know they will be there for you and are just a call away.

Friends: Many fall in this category. They will text you a couple of times, put you on their church prayer list and tell you they love you. And they do.

Almost Friends: They are social media friends. They respond to your posts and may even whisper a prayer for you. You don’t really know them well, but the name is familiar and you know of them.

Lost Friends: You thought they were really good friends, but they weren’t there when it mattered. It was too much for them.

Friendships can be hard and they require work. Cancer can be too much for some people. The reality of this can be extremely hurtful, especially when you are already down and out from the treatments. There will always be people you thought would be there for you that are not. It’s the reality of things. And that’s okay. That’s on them, not you. It took me a long time to come to peace with this. Actually I’m not certain I am at total peace with it, but I have vowed to not let it consume me. The bright side-it has made me a better friend.

Sundays, Daddy and the Holy Ghost

My God is a god of love, understanding, inclusion, and compassion. My God has always been there for me, he has never forsaken me. I know him well. I want to make sure you get that before you read the next part-spirituality can be complicated. I’m not much for socialized religion. I am certain my past experiences have formed that opinion.

I was raised Southern Baptist in what I would consider a strict church. My mom once received a handwritten letter from a church elder because she allowed me to wear culottes (70’s lingo for a long skort) to summer bible school- I was 7. Many in the church I grew up in didn’t believe in dancing or mixed swimming. I’m just going to leave those words here and let you think about that for a minute.

There was one big rule at my home growing up. You live at home, you go to church on Sundays with the family. No excuses, no exceptions. And you might have to go on Sunday nights and Wednesday nights too, just depending on how religious the family really wanted to be that week.

I felt a lot of judgement when I went through my lengthy divorce from hell. Some of that could have been my own judgement of myself. And some of it was also from some very small minded people that fill the pews on Sundays. The bottom line is I think religion/spirituality is a very personal thing.

During my cancer journey I had an experience I would like to share. It was the day of my bilateral mastectomy. I had posted an update to my social media about my surgery and asked for prayers. When I arrived at the hospital, Dr. Jay McCluskey- a pastor and my friend, was there waiting for me, to pray with me. All I could do was cry.

After I was checked in and taken to the pre surgical room, Pastor Gary Sears, a family friend, also came by to pray with me. My surgery was delayed seven hours due to complications with the person before me. As I sat with my husband, I began to review my post from social media that morning and continued to read about all the people praying for me. As I sat in that curtained cubicle waiting to be taken back to surgery, I felt God. I mean, I really felt him. It was a peace I had never experienced. And I also felt my dad right beside me. And I knew I was going to be okay.

After surgery, I was taken to a hospital room in the Women’s Center. Before this day, I thought that was for women having babies. It was dark, late at night when I got to my room. The next morning when I woke up, Jay opened the blinds and there it was- the American Flag, my dad. He fought for his country in Vietnam and he was a proud American. He was with me, and he still is.

There is not a day that goes by that I don’t think of my dad. I miss him every day. It doesn’t get any easier, I just get more accustomed to my grief. There are so many things that I am thankful for along this journey and my glimpses of dad are at the very top of the list.

My Truth

There is something that happens when bad news surfaces. There is a race to tell it first. And when it comes to social media, it can actually create a fiasco. I have to admit, I have always been a social creature. You can find me on all the social media platforms and yes, at times I tell too much of myself, but I usually overshare when humor is involved and in my life that is most of the time.

When I received the news of my breast cancer, I was overwhelmed. At first, I did not post. I just crawled in a hole. Then I started getting calls and texts. And so many people had heard conflicting things about my diagnosis and treatment plan that I decided to post it and put it out there. I never intended to have a social media campaign or force for early detection of breast cancer. It was something that just came to be and took on a life of its own.

One thing you need to know about me- I am honest to a fault. I have always found it easier to speak the truth and many times I try to do that with a sense of humor. So, I laid it all out- the good, the bad and the ugly. I have triple negative breast cancer. I need prayers. I will have a bilateral mastectomy first due to the rapid growth rate of the cancer, followed by chemo and radiation. And then I told my truth- I had skipped two years of mammograms. And I pleaded for everyone to get checked.

And there it was, in black and white, my truth. I had done this to myself. While I was out gallivanting around, enjoying life and not making time to take care of myself, I let this happen. I had spent so much time trying to take care of everyone around me and everything around me, I forgot about myself.

I thought for quite some time that day about hashtags and I picked two that I still use to this day-#getyourmammogram and #keepingthefaith. I would later add another that my creative friend Kathy came up with – #gozastrong.

After the first post was complete, I felt a large sense of relief. Everyone knew. Everyone knew the truth. It was my story and I wanted to tell it. I wasn’t sure where it would lead but I knew that someone needed to hear it. I felt that in my gut. Someone needed those words.

I knew something good could come out of my journey. I wasn’t sure what, but I desperately needed something good to transpire. I truly believe good things come from truth. So here I am.

A Piece of Paper

I skipped two mammograms. If you learn nothing else from me- don’t skip your mammogram. Yes, I went to the gynecologist every year- because an annual check-up was mandatory for my birth control refill. And at the end of the appointment, they gave me a slip of paper with a number to call to schedule my mammogram. But life happened. I had a lot going on. I met a new guy (after a tumultuous multi-year divorce from the pits of hell)…we were building a house…my dad was sick (blog for another day)… I was busy at work (I love my job)…and I had a teenager. A year later at the end of my annual check-up they handed me another piece of paper. But life happened. I had a lot going on. I got married…my dad was sicker…my daughter was graduating high school…I was trying to schedule a vacation.

Then it happened- I felt the lump. Later I would find I still had the crumpled piece of paper tightly embedded in the bottom corner of my purse. I waited a few days and told my husband, Jay. In all honesty, I thought the lump would go away. Sometimes that can happen- lumps caused by hormonal changes. I was 49. Jay did not take the news lightly. Every day for four days he asked if I had called the doctor. On the fifth day I texted by friend Sherri, she was the office manager at my gynecologist’s office. “Hey, I lost that little piece of paper to schedule my mammogram and I found a lump. Can you send me another one or tell me where to call?” Text from Sherri, “I’m calling you”. Sherri was serious and to the point “You can’t just go get a mammogram when you find a lump, you need to come in to the office and be checked. You’ll need a special mammogram. Can you be here in an hour?” Needless to say, after the office visit my doctor sent me for a diagnostic mammogram at the local hospital the next day. I was told they would have the results in 3-4 days. Thirty minutes after leaving the hospital, Sherri called. I was standing in the middle of a department store with Jay, holding onto a rack. She said, I don’t want you to be alarmed… there is something there…you need a biopsy….can you meet with the surgeon tomorrow…I am going to pray for you right now. I hung up the phone and looked at Jay and said, “I told you it was bad”.

From the moment I found the lump, I knew. I knew it was cancer. Don’t ask me how, I just knew. I have always had the most intense gut feelings, intuition, whatever you want to call it. My gut is always right.

Jay is always the easy going optimist. You are fine, we are going to get this biopsy done. It’s all going to be just fine. He is a great compliment to by anxiety fueled personality.

I tried to pray. I find it very difficult to pray for myself. I judge my prayers. Am I being selfish? Are there bigger things in this world I need to pray about? It was like I was asking for favor and I felt undeserving. And let’s face it, it had been awhile since I had talked to God.

Jay accompanied me to the surgeon’s office. My surgeon was very compassionate and very upfront and honest. He never used the word cancer. I didn’t realize that until later. He said It’s not benign.. He said those words three times during that visit and looked me right in the eye each time to make sure I was understanding. He said he was going to proceed with the biopsy and the pathology would be back in 3-4 days and that would determine my course of treatment. Everything in that office that day seems like a blur now. I remember when he pulled up my ultrasound and showed the mass to me it looked almost like a daisy, almost pretty in a way and that seemed odd to me. He said a benign mass would be round with defined edges and mine definitely was not. The surgeon told us to use the 3-4 days to think about if I wanted a mastectomy or lumpectomy. I immediately said I wanted both of my breasts removed. I think everyone was startled that I blurted that out, especially without consulting Jay, but Jay immediately followed up with “Can you remove them right now?”. Jay also mentioned our upcoming beach trip in two days, which I had completely forgotten about. The surgeon said “You need to take the vacation. You are about to enter the fight of your life and you need to be strong and refreshed, go.”. I asked if he would call me with the pathology report in case he was wrong and it was negative. He said, I don’t give bad news on the phone. I will have the results on Wednesday and I will call you if it is negative. But I know it’s not benign…you aren’t going to get a call from me. He was right.

I remember walking out of that office just numb. I even left Jay at the check out desk and just walked to the car and called my mom. I couldn’t even talk. I just cried. I cried for three solid days. And on the third day, I sucked it up.