Finding Your Tribes

What is a tribe? It is a group of people that can include family, friends or people with similar likes and/or experiences. They are willing to extend grace, love and forgiveness, even when they may not agree. A tribe may be life long or it may expire. Whatever the case, they are invaluable and comforting.

At 51 years of age, I have some very special tribes. Of course I have my family, a friend group that started out as lovers of wine and downtown Cleveland and a group of ride or die friends that try to at least meet up on Friday nights for dinner.

These three tribes have kept me going for years. But something very interesting happened when I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2019- my tribes grew. And it was a wonderful thing.

The Triple Negative FaceBook Support Group: This group of fabulous ladies have lifted me when I was down and kept me company in the wee hours of the morning when sleep would not come. I still enjoy going into the group to answer questions for newcomers. Breast cancer is a hard road riddled with anxiety that can be eased with information. I will never forget those that helped me and it’s just the right thing to do to pay it forward. If you are having issues, whether it be physical, mental or social, I guarantee there is a Facebook support group. Find your people.

Tennessee Oncology Nurses, Cleveland, TN Office: While you may think they aren’t your tribe, I want to assure you that for 18 very longs weeks they were. Every other week I sat in the treatment room for hours observing them with cancer patients, many terminal. While they were double gloved, double masked and double clothed to protect themselves from what was being put into my veins, they shared helpful hints, careful instructions and love and kindness. They helped me ice my hands, feet and mouth during treatments and answered all the random questions I had and also tended to my precious mom that came with me. They handed out lap quilts, quilted by ladies in the community for cancer survivors, to keep us warm. The treatment room could be heavy, there is a lot going on in there. But there is also hope and it resides in the heart of each one of those special nurses. They helped me get through 18 hard weeks with love, kindness and sincerity- and that my friends, is a tribe. The day I rang the bell was the day I had to give them up to someone else that took my seat.

YMCA LiveStrong Group: I have done some crazy things in my time, but joining a fitness group while going through chemo may be at the top of the list. However, it was one of my favorite things during my journey. The YMCA LiveStrong program is for cancer survivors. The program focuses on building your strength back and is a great way to socialize with other survivors. I was the youngest in my group of approximately 15-18 survivors and the only one going through treatment at the time. This group met twice a week and we would do activities, pray together and workout. The group consisted of a wide array of people: young, old, in shape, out of shape, healthy, not so healthy. But we had one goal- to improve. I looked forward to these sessions so much. Everyone was so encouraging. And our fearless leader, Dina, was our biggest cheerleader. Everyone worked at their own pace and we helped each other. I met a very special lady in the group, Pat. After several conversations I discovered she had actually quilted the lap quilt given to me at Tennessee Oncology. A survivor herself, she loved to quilt and had found a way to give back.

While not tribes, there are a couple of organizations I am a part of that deserve an honorable mention.

The MaryEllen Locher Foundation: This is a remarkable organization that awards scholarships to children of breast cancer survivors. I have known about and attended fundraising events for the foundation for over 14 years. In 2019, I attended an annual fundraising event and was surprised with my daughter being awarded one of those scholarships. I cannot put into words how thankful and grateful my family and I were and still are for that scholarship. Cancer can take a toll physically, mentally and financially. This eased a big worry and allowed me to concentrate on recovery. My daughter, Logan, will be graduating in December 2021 from Middle Tennessee State University. We were surprised with an email recently from the director that they were awarding Logan additional scholarship money for that semester. The MaryEllen Locher Foundation touched our lives when we needed it most and for that, I am forever grateful. And for the wonderful group of friends that nominated Logan. I will always support the MaryEllen Locher Foundation’s fundraising efforts and their mission.

Bradley County Relay for Life: I can’t recall the year I got involved in Bradley County Relay For Life. It was a long, long time ago, at least 15 years. Money raised by Relay For Life funds research for the American Cancer Society. There is a committed, local group of people that literally work year round raising funds in our area. They are passionate about finding a cure for cancer. Great strides in cancer research have been made in the last few years and that needs to continue.

No matter where you are in life, you are never to old or too far gone to benefit from a tribe. And if you can’t find one, create one. Your life will be better for it.